Please forgive me upfront for this post. It is going to sound really elementary... sheltered... ridiculous even. It's going to be obvious. It's going to sound stupid.
When you are staring fear in the face.... when everything you know is ripped out from under you... when you start to wonder how you go on... that sort of life-rattling, soul-quaking, spirit-searching event... all the other stuff that I've talked about on this blog... weight, politics, vacations, bra-reviews.. seems pretty darn trivial.
When you've grown up... Protected. Loved. Forgiven. Encouraged. Celebrated. Blessed. Never losing trust, never losing love, never losing a foundational relationship or person...
Facing it - the "it" that might take away the cornerstone of that love - can be pretty darn upsetting. Upsetting like anxiety for the perpetually calm. Sleeplessness for the one who could sleep for a job. Emotional outbreaks for the person mostly cool, calm and collected.
I've done my share of adulting since February 18 when my happy little bubble world went pop. Can I just have a couple days with NO adulting? That'd be great...
Life happens and it is painful. That shouldn't be surprising but somehow it is.
The "it" that has moved into my world in the form of a unwelcome tumor is pancreatic cancer. It's fair to say that our family may never be the same again. The "it" has brought all of us to our knees and the question now is how do we respond? Do we let it rob us of all the things that we enjoyed for so long (see list above)... love... celebration... or do we just make room for this unwelcome visitor and find blessings where we can?
That is what we do... We grasp for the thankfulness. We bask in the light. We hoard peace. We relish the moments and we know that it sounds silly to say we never expected this -- of course, we know our time here is fleeting.
Maybe I'm not running like I used to.... Life happens... but...
Hope is my new marathon. Mercy and grace are my hydration.