Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Not Today

When you feel out of control it is probably time to stop.

Stop.

After vacation... I was feeling out of control. I lost my schedule. I lost my sleep. I lost my diet. Now granted, that is sort of the point on vacation. Indulge. Live (a little). Do a new thing. Treat yourself. You've worked hard. You've earned it, right?

 The Littlest happy at the pool

 Me, slightly less happy, at the hotel gym
Me and Hubs in the Dust storm

Maybe that's the problem. I think I've earned it more often than not. So coming home, feeling out of control, marveling at how I was so strong last year - so much will power when I was doing the New Direction Very Low Calorie Diet (VLCD). 16 weeks of nothing but shakes and meal replacements. Who WAS that girl? And now I can't even seem to get thru lunch before my cravings get the better of me.

Enough.

Time to prove to myself that I still had it. I could overcome these cravings. Defeat the desire. Quash the binge. You get my point.

I did 4 days of shakes last week. I started Monday morning with the highest number I had seen in over a year (it wasn't terrible in the grand scheme of things but not a number I want to start seeing all the time). By Thurs morning I was down 8 lbs and feeling MUCH MUCH MUCH better. I did sort of hit a wall since I continued to work out at a pretty strenuous level and by Thursday lunch needed (there is a difference between need and want and if you haven't felt that difference ever, you've never truly been hungry) to eat. So I did.

But I faced my demons and I've still got it. Sometimes that is all you need to do to reboot. Look straight in the mirror and know, I've still got this. In the wise words of Syrio Forel of Game of Thrones:


Nope. Not Today. Today I may not make the best choices but I will make better choices than I used to make. This, this is a new thing I am doing.
Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.
Isaiah 43:19

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