Sunday, April 17, 2016

You Can Learn to Surf

Can't stop. Won't stop. Just learn to surf. 

We went to church today.  We go most Sundays. Putting aside the most fundamental spiritual nourishment I get from attending, church serves a very human function for me as well. Fellowship. Child free time holding my husband's hand. Oh, and I get to dress up. Sorta. Kinda. For a gal who works from home, Sunday morning my old prep school dress code kicks in, and well, in my world, you just dress for church. It is what I've always done and what I continue to do. It's in my DNA. 

Each week it becomes a bit of a joy of mine, deciding what to wear on my new to me frame. I pulled my size 12 Ann Taylor navy ruched dress out of the closet on a number of Sundays, most times I don't wear it. Maybe I needed to do laundry, maybe I was feeling bold... but today I donned the dress that hides nary a bulge. It didn't. Hide a bulge that is. 

Several ladies complimented my glasses. 
These ones modeled by Miss P:

One lady pointed out that perhaps I had gotten too much sun. I had. I need to do a better job with SPF all around. Duly noted. 

One lovely lady (I say this cause she really is a wonderful lady and I know she had no idea how this would impact me) asked me if I was pregnant. Take a moment, let that sink in. 

The whole thing struck me as rather hilarious but it is lingering with me nonetheless. 

And in case you are wondering, no, I am not pregnant. That WOULD be a miracle. 

But the comment made me realize something.... we never really know where a person has come from. If I was a 120lbs this time last year and my current weight now, people would murmur about how I let myself go. The flip side is, of course, that despite my belly... a remnant of 30 years of abuse to my short torso frame, 4 abdominal surgeries including 3 babies, and a genetic propensity to carry my weight in my middle section (Hello Apple!), and my inability as of late to cut back on my wine consumption.... 80lbs lost can still leave a girl looking, well, pregnant. I wish I could blame the dress!

Words do matter and I am going to just tuck that little comment back in my brain. I'm going to visit it when I get cocky, like now, when I've allowed myself too much leeway... too many meals that have gone on the side of indulgence rather than prudence. To remember that there is no amount of running that forgives a two week binge... 

I am not going to make my goal of being 165lbs by the end of this month. It's okay. 

What I can't allow to happen is to let go of where I am... by allowing the wrong voices to control my thoughts. So while I will revisit that  pregnancy comment for motivation, I will not allow it to derail the work I've done and who I've become.... a gal who looks forward to her morning run, who has changed her outlook, taken control of her health. Along with that comes a hefty helping of grace for the small failings along the way. They are just moments, I'm in this for the long haul. 

Let's go surfing now!

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