Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Let's face it, I'm a flatlander

A strange thing happened to me a couple years ago. Having just moved to Arizona, we decided to adventure out to Sedona. Speeding along, Hubs driving, me riding, kids crying.. you know, the norm. Let's take the scenic route.

Winding, rising, narrowing... along route 89A from Sedona to Flagstaff we went. Hair pin turns, RVs coming the opposite direction, Eddy feeling like she was going to fall off the road...

Hello Panic Attack.

It was unlike any feeling I've ever had before. I knew, in my rational brain, that we were fine. So why couldn't I breathe!?! I couldn't even look out across the mountains. I was having a full on meltdown and just wanted it to be over. Hubs realized I was losing it and told me to look down and breathe, don't freak out the girls. So I did. I also resigned myself to something that has plagued women in my family in their post childbearing years - fear of heights. I've never had a problem before, but over the past 5 years or so, there has been a new nagging fear there and I've avoided heights when possible. Motherhood, YAY!

I'm reconciled with it now. I've lived in the Midwest too long. Now I live pretty much at sea level. Honey, let's face it, I'm a flatlander.

That's why, when considering with new fitness activities to try climbing anything is pretty much at the bottom of the list. So, when a friend said, let's climb Squaw Peak, I was like, ummm, okay. Consider it a challenge. Consider it a bucket list thing that wasn't on my bucket list. Consider it another post weight loss to do... whatever... it didn't really occur to me that heights might be an issue. I texted my friend - "I don't like heights, am I going to be okay?"

So, we went. We climbed. The path is pretty much stone stairs, wide enough for traffic to go up and traffic to come down. The range of people doing this climb on President's Day was pretty astounding. All sorts of folks - fully outfitted - or just with a baby strapped to their chests, up and up they all went! All ages, all colors, all fitness levels.

About 2/3rds of the way up, I started to realize that getting down the mountain might be more of a challenge than getting up. We reached a good stopping place after a challenging section. It wasn't the heights so much - here, on my own two feet, I was in control. But as I saw the climb get steeper I knew that I didn't need to prove I could do it - that stopping here was good enough. I settled into some nice reflection and prayer and waited for my climbing friends to return from their trek to the summit. I actually enjoyed the view! 

I'm not going to become a mountain climbing warrior. That's just not my style. But I trust my fitness enough now to know I am capable and that's something. From the perspective of my cardiovascular fitness, I kept pace with my 20-something guides! I didn't feel in over my head, but maybe just a tad bit out of my element.

So I returned to my neighborhood jog - happy to be a flatlander. Feeling better for having challenged myself and happy to chase that shadow of a girl -  getting stronger every day. 

79 lbs lost. 12 to go by the end of April.
Switching it up! Running while it is still cool enough, gym, and pool when it's warm enough.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Lunch Time Meanderings

I'm sitting here, scarfing down some New Direction Vanilla Pudding and figured I'd share some of my challenges and successes as of late.

For what it's worth, the pudding is far less satisfactory than it was last July. I am trying ---  every day --- trying to get off the sugars, the carbs, the alcohol.. man, I sometimes wonder how I did this at all last year. I feel so weak to my cravings. I'm a rock star from 6am - 2pm and then BAM! Hello cravings. I feel like I could eat everything in the house. I am mentally beating myself up about it, every morning resolved to do better than the day before - and that goes for today as well. It is so hard not to feel down about it, but rather to face each day as a chance to do better....

But despite that challenge - I saw, just now, the lowest number on the scale during the current weight adventure. I can't say with certainty that I've broken thru my plateau, but I really WANT to get to 165lbs by the end of April and so, seeing that scale move is an encouragement in a way that I can't explain. I know my self worth isn't defined by a number. I know that. It still doesn't lessen how easily buoyed or deflated we are to see that number move....

So, I'm a data person, stick with me.... current vs. lost to date

Weight: 178.5lbs - total 77.5lbs lost
Waist: 33 inches - lost 21 inches total - OMG, that's almost 2 feet around of person.
Hips: 42 inches -  lost 11 inches total
Chest: 36 inches - lost 15 inches total
That's a total of 47 inches lost. Wrap your head around that one. I think I have a kid or two that aren't even that tall.

Size 12 from 22.
I'll spare you the sad state of my undergarments but let's just say, it's sort of embarrassing.

I am turning 39 this year. I am the mother of 3 girls, all delivered by C-section, all under age 8. I have an underlying heart condition and a family history of high cholesterol. I have a sugar addiction and struggle with binge eating. I have, probably a mild depressive tendency that makes me a little cyclical and self destructive. I (still) have a belly. Other jiggly bits that may never go away. Lets be serious, I'm never going to look like Jennifer Aniston.

But, I am me. Fighting the good fight. Day in an day out. Running, several miles at a clip. Training for a 10K. Moving my body in ways I never dreamed I'd be strong enough to. Convicted by God to change my ways both spiritual and earthly....

That's me. No makeup. No filter. No fuss. Just a real person really struggling with every bite, every sip, every step, and finding joy in the journey.

Feb 3, 2016 selfie