Monday, January 25, 2016

Doing my Why

Last June, I wrote down a list of reasons WHY I wanted to lose the weight.

It went a little something like this (I feel like I should have a drum roll or at least back up music playing...)

And just for the satisfaction of striking things off the list - the bold strike through!

12.  Wear heels comfortably

Not a massive heel but one of many I'm sporting theses days!

11. Not see the eyes groan when someone has to sit down 

next to me on the plane

10. To cross my legs again

 My most liked picture on Facebook in 2015. Me, on a plane, legs crossed in Size 14 jeans. I'm wearing Size 10-12 now!

9. Shop in normal sizes

8. To rock my "skinny" jeans

Not only do I rock my favorite Banana Republic "skinny" jeans, they are now my comfy baggy jeans!

7. Run... by myself and with my girls

The running thing is a big one for me. When I bought our jogging stroller in 2013 I laughed. I never dreamed that I'd run again, let alone pushing a jogger. But here I am -  most every weekend - and as long as Ivy will let me! And true training starts tomorrow - time to crank it up and add some distance, speed work and tempo training to my weekly workouts. 

6. Horseback ride with my girls

This weekend I was thrilled to take XJL on her first trail ride and to ride with her! Riding is something that always reminds me of my youth and it also takes some effort for me to feel confident and capable on horseback. I can even report that other than my knees hurting immediately on dismount, I wasn't even sore! Apparently my legs, core and back muscles are able to handle riding without a problem! (I have NO idea what I am doing with my hands in this photo - judge not!)

I am going to put the following in the category of - partially completed or not yet attempted!

5. Sit comfortably on a Disney ride

I look forward to attempting and photographing this one, Hubs? Should I start the planning?

4. Allow my body to be a testament to my stewardship of the

 gifts God has given me.

"In the same way, let your light shine before others so that they may see your good deeds and glorify the Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16

3. To be healthy

The struggle is real. 

2  To be fearless


1. To give myself a future for whatever it may bring. 

I don't know what 2016 will bring but I pray that I face each challenge with confidence, perseverance and hope. 

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Seriously serious, so serious.

January 19th. Resolutions are on the brink. The expanse of the calendar seems daunting. The stomach is rumbling. I missed my diet meeting and personal training session on Friday....

I'm managing. How are you holding up?! 

It's time to buckle down. No more Mrs. Nice Girl. Time to get seriously serious about what I've actually verbalized as my next goal weight - 165lbs. It's just a number, but let's wrap it in some sobering context, shall we?

165 is a number that I cannot remember ever seeing on a scale. I am sure that at some point in high school I clocked in at 165. I am sure there was a day in my sophomore year, as I hit my peak of swimming long distance freestyle that my body was lean and the scale read 165. I was unaware of it - and frankly, at that time, it wouldn't have been an achievement in our locker room. I was always a big girl - "broad", "chubby", "thick", "plus" or as the more nuanced websites "fluffy". I"m sorry, how is fluffy ever a word used to describe a woman?! I mean, seriously............. fluffy? How about "Rubenesque"? Way more conversationally acceptable and less internet-cat-video lingo.

165 is 10 lbs lower than my goal weight in 2011.

165 is not obese. It is not thick. It is not fluffy.

It is healthy and average and not at all plus-sized in any way.

165 might be a size 8. I don't even know! 165 might be a bikini.

165 won't be happiness, but it will be the visual of perseverance, dedication, self control and good old-fashioned sweat.

165 is seriously serious in every way. 

I'll do it. I"ll do it cause I have said that I will. That's usually how I roll. But one thing I"ll have to get serious about is not letting a roll touch my lips. I've got to cut out the "bites" - the noshing of snacks, the rationalization of deserving it, the extra 300 calories here or there. I've been at 180 for 3 months. No more wine. No more wine. No more wine. No more whine!

It's time to shake the snow globe. I'm too comfortable. Are you?

Monday, January 4, 2016

Finding Joy

Joy is the flag that flies over the castle of our hearts announcing that the King is in residence there.

 New. NearYear. A New Year. The New Years.. 

Where have we been? Where are we going? For me, the new year brings an insatiable urge to clean house. To get myself in order. To take back some control. It is such a drastic contrast with December's warm homey festivity. January seems cold and stark. No comfy cozy fleece blanket here. There are super awesome things to do, like drink protein shakes and organize for taxes...

2015 - After

The New Year offers so much hope. Decadent Christmas is behind us and the toasts of New Years Eve bubbly are just memories now.... We start to feel all powerful. Ready to conquer. Ready to climb. January offers the seduction of time - resetting the clock. Transformation allures us - this will be the year all my dreams will come true...... all the memes on Facebook say it's the start of a new book... a new chapter... a blank page... write a good one. Have you seen it? It's everywhere. The gift of new.

I get it. Wrapped up with a bow, January is just preying on our desire for more. Get what you didn't - do what you haven't. Oh, January. You two faced .... 

But maybe this isn't a beginning. Maybe you don't want to wipe the slate clean of 2015 but you want to marinate in what you've learned.. practice... do more... do less... refine. build... grow.... mold. Maybe this January isn't new. Maybe it's just, well, January. Another month to try to do better.In 2015, many events changed the course of who I am as a wife, a mother, a person. Most of them have been good things. I've grown and I've remained the same. I've gotten back to basics. You could even say I've dialed in. So, 2016.... my goals are largely unchanged from 2015- at least, the resolution-y type goals... 

Build on my 2015 accomplishments. I've lost 75lbs. I've gotten stronger. I'm more fit than I've been in years. Now I want to:

Lose 18 lbs. Run. Be healthy. Sounds kind of simple and boring really. The goal isn't to finish the race. The race won't end. It is a daily grind for me. 

But those big inexpressible spiritual resolutions? What about those? They're not so easy to nail down. Over the past 48 months, I've adopted the words grace, gratitude, gathering.. I've reached outside myself and then I've pulled back. I've put myself out there, and I've been saved from myself. I've seen happiness but better yet, I've seen joy. I've experienced joy. 

I'm not sure what 2016 will bring into focus for me. A couple of themes are coming clear:

"Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God." Matthew 5:8

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you..." Ephesians 1:18

"The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes." Psalm 19:8

I am captivated by the idea of being pure in heart. I so desire to hear and see God. We've often been talking about the different of happiness and joy in our household. These ideas are swimming around in my head. I don't know what they have to do with my journey in 2016 but I suspect, in the way that grace, gratitude, gathering, have been themes in prior years... that Joy has got a part to play in 2016. 

I wish I could tell you that I know what all this means. I don't know yet. While I live it, I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Finding joy in 2016 is a good way to start!