Thursday, October 29, 2015

Size 10

Let's be real for a minute.

In June, when I hesitantly walked into Dr. Amy's office for my pre-diet work up. She asked me:

"Are you ready to do this?"

I wasn't. I really wasn't. I think I even said: "Not really."

 This sign sits opposite at Burger King on 7th Ave. I drive past and smile every day. 
Don't have spooky buns! 

You see, it is really easy to be comfortable where you are. It is really hard to actually change. But there was this little nagging voice inside of me - reminding me - how happy, how energetic, how free I felt when I had lost the weight last time. The weight, for me, is like visual evidence of unhappiness. Not that I am really unhappy - I am not. But it is like evidence that I can't control myself. And not being in control, or having a crutch of food, well that makes me unhappy. I know I can't do all things, but I can at least take control of the things I can control... like what I put in my own mouth..

I'm rambling.

But what I am getting at is - I wasn't sure I could do it. I wanted to - don't get me wrong - I really wanted to. But like the millions of people out there that want an easy pill to swallow, I wasn't sure I was up for the hard work.

In the grande scheme of things, 4 months is a short period of time. Not a huge time commitment to lose 70lbs. The lifetime of maintaining it, that's far more frightening. Spooky!

Anyhow I haven't tried on clothes for a while, and I've been feeling kinda stuck recently. Weight plateau at 186lbs that I've been bouncing around for a month.  I've had good exercise weeks, and bad. I've made good food choices and bad.

Good Food Choices: Eggs over Brussel Sprout & Butternut Squash Hash

Weight finally dipped down to 180lbs this week. Time to go shopping! Honestly, we're doing family portraits soon. I need something to wear. I swear!

I tried on a lot of things. I wasn't even sure what size I am anymore. Let me tell you, it can do something wonderful to your psyche when you can pretty much wear anything you want. I am comfortably in a size 12 all around. I fell in love with a Vince Camuto jumpsuit that whew, looked awesome ... and then the jeans. Why is it always the jeans?! The true test of your body changing is new jeans.

Size 12 fit ok, but I had this weird feeling that they were going to grow, know what I mean? Like after I sat in them for 2 hours there'd be wings on my hips? But the color and cut were awesome...
So, this happened:
Can't wait to rock these babies! 

These babies came home with me, as you can imagine. Them and a couple other things. Maybe they're mislabeled. Maybe they run big. Don't tell me, I don't want to know! No bubble bursting today!

I need to get stronger. I need to get control of my fitness, but this feeling is worth smiling about.

... to get back to my original point. Sometimes you sign up for things and you're not really sure if you CAN do them. Then you do. And you surprise even yourself. I wish I could say I've been confident the whole time. I haven't. What I did ... was just to say, I'll try. Try. Here I am. Still trying.

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