Thursday, October 29, 2015

Size 10

Let's be real for a minute.

In June, when I hesitantly walked into Dr. Amy's office for my pre-diet work up. She asked me:

"Are you ready to do this?"

I wasn't. I really wasn't. I think I even said: "Not really."

 This sign sits opposite at Burger King on 7th Ave. I drive past and smile every day. 
Don't have spooky buns! 

You see, it is really easy to be comfortable where you are. It is really hard to actually change. But there was this little nagging voice inside of me - reminding me - how happy, how energetic, how free I felt when I had lost the weight last time. The weight, for me, is like visual evidence of unhappiness. Not that I am really unhappy - I am not. But it is like evidence that I can't control myself. And not being in control, or having a crutch of food, well that makes me unhappy. I know I can't do all things, but I can at least take control of the things I can control... like what I put in my own mouth..

I'm rambling.

But what I am getting at is - I wasn't sure I could do it. I wanted to - don't get me wrong - I really wanted to. But like the millions of people out there that want an easy pill to swallow, I wasn't sure I was up for the hard work.

In the grande scheme of things, 4 months is a short period of time. Not a huge time commitment to lose 70lbs. The lifetime of maintaining it, that's far more frightening. Spooky!

Anyhow I haven't tried on clothes for a while, and I've been feeling kinda stuck recently. Weight plateau at 186lbs that I've been bouncing around for a month.  I've had good exercise weeks, and bad. I've made good food choices and bad.

Good Food Choices: Eggs over Brussel Sprout & Butternut Squash Hash

Weight finally dipped down to 180lbs this week. Time to go shopping! Honestly, we're doing family portraits soon. I need something to wear. I swear!

I tried on a lot of things. I wasn't even sure what size I am anymore. Let me tell you, it can do something wonderful to your psyche when you can pretty much wear anything you want. I am comfortably in a size 12 all around. I fell in love with a Vince Camuto jumpsuit that whew, looked awesome ... and then the jeans. Why is it always the jeans?! The true test of your body changing is new jeans.

Size 12 fit ok, but I had this weird feeling that they were going to grow, know what I mean? Like after I sat in them for 2 hours there'd be wings on my hips? But the color and cut were awesome...
So, this happened:
Can't wait to rock these babies! 

These babies came home with me, as you can imagine. Them and a couple other things. Maybe they're mislabeled. Maybe they run big. Don't tell me, I don't want to know! No bubble bursting today!

I need to get stronger. I need to get control of my fitness, but this feeling is worth smiling about.

... to get back to my original point. Sometimes you sign up for things and you're not really sure if you CAN do them. Then you do. And you surprise even yourself. I wish I could say I've been confident the whole time. I haven't. What I did ... was just to say, I'll try. Try. Here I am. Still trying.

Monday, October 26, 2015

The Hen House

We're a little bit of crazy here in the Eddy house. I think we like it busy or something, although Hubs often reminds me he does not, in fact, like it busy.

As if buying a house, moving the family, having 3 kids under age 7, two full time professional jobs, 1 "fun" Mary & Martha job, travel, life, and all the other stuff wasn't enough....

We're getting chickens.

Yep. You heard that right. Hubs already lives with 1 hen and 3 chicks, so why not add a half dozen more?! Our babies are hatching next weekend, shipping on Monday and arriving via Priority Mail in the middle of next week. We didn't do extensive breed research but if you know me, you know I have expensive taste, so I wanted unique birds. We ordered two pullets each of dutch Welsummers, french Golden Cuckoo Marans, and Blue Ameracaunas. Coming direct from My Pet Chicken a good resource for folks who just want a small flock in their backyards, like us!

Our baby chicks might look something like this:

Blue Ameracaunas
                                                        Golden Cuckoo Marans                                                           
My only goal at the beginning is to keep them alive! Really lofty, I know, but apparently chicks are pretty dumb and prone to drowning themselves in their water dishes and stuff like that. So, if we get these little babies alive delivered from our primitive brooder to Hub's aweseomely-designed-but-yet-to-be-built-coop, we've succeeded! Hopefully sometimes in the next few months, our girls will look more like this:

Blue Ameracauna Hen
 Welsummer Hen
Golden Cuckoo Maran Hen

Then, some day, if I'm making an omlette with one of these beauties I'll be even more esctatic! Secretly, or maybe not so secretly, I think Hubs hopes this will turn me into some knitting pioneer woman. Unlikely. I'm in it for the eggs! 

 Blue Ameracauna Eggs
 Golden Cuckoo Maran Eggs
Welsummer Eggs

For now, forget decorating our new abode, we're building a chicken house! I'll try to document this crazy like a chicken with its head cut off adventure on the blog! Stay tuned! 

Oh, and those wondering about my weight loss? I'm maintaining at 10lbs less than my goal weight at current. Been hanging out at this weight (10lbs off my skinniest adult weight) for about a month. Adding more sensible foods, and working out when I can get myself to the gym. Doctor said to maintain for now, going to weekly meetings and back for follow up in December. Amazing how fast 70lbs slid off my frame. If I can do it, you can do it too!! Google the New Direction Diet! 

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Is it a gift?

I've hidden something for a long time. As a teenager, when it happened, I squashed it down, like a rising tide. Don't do it! Don't let it happen.

Don't let them see you.


Usually it is the hymns. Old hymns. New Hymns. I remember standing in Concert Choir at the Stony Brook School - the performance lights shining on us - and pushing my knees together. Don't cry. Not here, not now.

I didn't know what it was. This wave of emotion sweeps up over me.

I pushed back the feeling. In choir. At church. At the sight of my kids. At the bang of emotion.

I thought I had it all under control. Saying goodbye to people. Saying happy to see you again. Tears. WHY? Why am I the only person that seems unable to contain myself? I feel like John Boehner.

It happened at Mary & Martha conference last year. I wasn't alone.

It happened again this year. My roommate leaned over and said: "We're all crying. It's the Spirit."

When I sing, I don't raise my hands up as a child to God. But in my heart, I do. I am a child needing the Father. And when I get that feeling, it's tears. As I type that, it's happening.

"How marvelous. How boundless. Is your love. Is your love..." but there's a modern skeptic in me shouting: Come on, my Soul! Come on!!!

I get absolutely overwhelmed by love for me that I don't deserve. Joy. Gratitude. Vulnerability.

This Sunday, it was just the girls and me at church. Hubs was traveling. I became absolutely breathless. I decided to just let it out. Like watching Bette Midler in Beaches.... blubbering... I'm frankly not sure there was actual blubbering but it sure felt like I was bubbling over.

and all because "It is well in my soul."

Not sure why crying seems to be my response to wellness, but there it is. I was reading Philippians Sunday night. Something made me wonder what people say about tears and the Spirit. Google.

Apparently, Tears are a Gift. I read a bit. Human. Humility. Joy. Humbling. Yep. All of that. I'm usually so proud to have it all together - maybe tears are my spiritual surrender. I'll give it to God and make the following prediction: the tears aren't going to be stopping any time soon.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

A Winter Mood

Having existed in a perpetual state of anticipation for the past 3 months (or longer), finally arriving in our new house, with all the work wrapping up.... and arriving in my new body, with all the work of maintenance lying ahead.... well...

It's all anticlimactic.

But that's ok. I could go for dull for a while. I could embrace a beige existence. I could go for sleeping in. In fact, I could hibernate and it would be just great (hibernate - great, see what I did there?)

And this gray drizzle of October - unexpected in the Valley of the Sun - fits this place that I find myself at current. I'm wanting comfort food, the blinds drawn and a big down comforter. It may never truly be winter here but the mood can be winter. Can I get an amen?

But alas... the little people need tending. The house needs unpacking. The bills need paying. So, I plod on, and find joy in the memory of sleeping in. The thought of comfort food in the crock pot. Or the down comforter of my teenage years... cause honestly can we ever recreate the sleep we used to get when we were 18? I swear I slept most of my sophomore year of college and it was glorious...

Despite my desire to hide under the covers, there is a wonderful peace to finally landing here. I can see us here for decades. I can see us here growing old (one might argue we're already old!). I can see how quickly time ticks away and in a blink my oldest is going to be 8... and in another blink she'll be 16. How can I grasp onto these grains of sand as they slide thru the opening in the hourglass? (insert announcer voice from Days of Our Lives.... ) Come to think of it, it is a mood for soap operas.

I'm so mellow dramatic. (anticlimactic - mellow dramatic, see what I did there?)

I need to get out more.

Weight lost to date: 70lbs
Weight til next goal: 1 lbs