Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Control

I've been eating actual real food now for about... 10 days. The switch from the Very Low Calorie Diet to the Low Calorie Diet has been a welcome but anxious shift. Decisions, decisions. What do I eat? I am acutely aware of my cravings now - in a stronger way that I was before. The carbs - the non-food pantry stuff - the stuff my kids shove in their mouths without a thought - it is just there and I want to shove it in my mouth too.

But I don't.

I have been working my way thru a Costco sized box of baby spinach. Each day adding some hard boiled egg, grilled chicken, cucumber, grilled asparagus or other veg with 2 tbsp of lite or homemade dressing. Small portions. Real food. I can feel my body respond with every fiber screaming - FEED ME- and my gut holding on to whatever crosses my lips.

It's an adjustment.

Not seeing the scale move half a pound a day.

It's a little sad.

The scale is still moving just not like before. I've been okay so far, keeping the calories below 1600 a day. Being active. I am trying to exercise off the stress rather than eat my way thru it. It is kinda working.



But the stress is getting to me. There are a lot of balls I am juggling right now - we - our family is juggling right now. Our new house has been disassembled and is being put back together again. It's like an operation - and it feels like it. The prior state wasn't bad - it was just old - and after we take it apart and put it back together again, it should be good as new, but it is just intense and stressful. I am not the surgeon, all I can do is wait it out and hope for the best. I am surprised how vulnerable I feel in the process. How out of control. How stressed. I have faith - I have to. I don't really have a choice at this point.


Like my own personal weight loss journey, the house is undergoing a transformation. While the outside may change - the inside - the heart - may it stay the same, may it thrive, may it find peace. There seems to be some much change going on that I have to find constancy where I can. The body, it is just the wrapping for what is going on inside my heart. The house, the paint, the trim, it is only a stage for the real work - the rearing our our girls - the love of our family & God - the home for our memories - to be acted out. THAT is the big picture. That is the real deal. THAT is where I've got to keep my focus. The minutiae - need not derail me or stress me - if I know where to keep my focus. 

Mary & Martha - As for Me & My House 
www.mymaryandmartha.com/MARA

Weight Lost to date: 62.5 lbs
Weight to next goal: 8.5lbs


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