It's been an unusual and somewhat low energy week here in Eddy world. I've reached a point of malaise in my diet - I am neither for nor against my current eating - for or against my current weight -for or against my current goals. Seems strange as I am within 12 lbs of my goal with Onderland on the horizon... but I'm just kinda Bleh.
I think the stress of it all is getting to me.... let me 'xplain... no, let me sum up:
Clean eating. Clean the house. Clean slate. I can't keep up with all the "cleaning" that my life seems to be demanding right now. On the one hand, I've done a complete detox of my body. I see it in my lab results, I see it in my blood pressure. I feel it in my bones, my muscles, my skin. I'm cleaning up. The body - the diet - the life. Clean. Clean. Clean.
But I still feel like a mess. A big HOT mess to be exact. We're in the final stages of underwriting on a big home loan that seems both unreal and unattainable and yet we're told this is well within our means and happening. Lot of my peers have gone on to have much more success in life, but for us - our little world of moving states, carrying property from the recession, babies, renting and what-not, to be buying that house - the family house - the house we intend to live in for the next 20-30 years - that is BIG. And messy, and man, I wish I had my self all clean about it. Organized. Ready. But, I'm just a big hot mess.
Within the last 24 hours, I've had lengthy conversations about paint colors, trim, white-washing. Man, it is so freakin' exciting. I feel like Chip & Joanna Gaines just showed up at my door and I'm in line for the house of my dreams. Newness! It's all this Aries can hope for. Spark baby, come on!
It's also a little foreign. Frightening. A lot scary really. With all that paint comes the tendency to get wrapped up in looks and forget the substance at what goes on within that home. It's a feeling I am experiencing with my old-but-new-again body as well. I could go nuts dressing this frame now - I want it all. But again, it feels synthetic and at my core it's just me, hoping to be around a bit longer and healthier than I was before. So, what is it that I really want out of this new home? This new body?
Here we go again. 2 blocks north, 2 blocks south. It's almost laughable that we're moving right back down where we came from 18 months ago.
And in a similiar vein... I've been moving again. Got myself in the gym and on the road, lacing up and breaking a sweat. It feels good but I've got a long way to go. I am absolutely determined not to take my eyes off the diet this time. I will not become so obsessed with running that I feel I've earned the ability to eat what I want... which is exactly where all this went south several years back. Move.... moving... there seems to be a theme.
Weight lost to date: 47 lbs
Weight til goal: 11 lbs
Inches lost: 25 inches (7 chest, 14 waist, 4 hips) WHAT? That's nuts!! Mmmm, nuts..