Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Baking.... mmmm... warm cookies... chocolate.... mmmmmmmmmm..........
No, what I mean by Bakers dozen is that I have been on my New Direction Diet now for 13 days. 13 days of shakes and pudding and something called vegetarian sloppy joe, which I am pretty sure just shouldn't exist at all, cause really - what tortured person thought of such a thing? Vegetarian sloppy joe, please.
A couple of observations:
1. I feel much steader now in my daily energy - I just am. I have my morning caffeine cycle where I am crazed to do stuff, and then just down into a happy little homeostasis. I don't have that mad high and crash after my meals or sugar... just Eddy. Sitting here. Being. It's kind of nice.
2. Hunger is different. It isn't just thinking: "Oh, man, I could go for _______!" and then scrounging thru the kitchen to find the thing to satisfy the craving. It is a deep down viceral reaction. I sat, on Wednesday evening last week, in Sea-Tac Airport. My flight didn't leave until 8pm. I Had front loaded my day, and drank my last shake at 4pm. Usually around 3 hours after my last shake I start to notice I'm getting hungry -- so there I am, sitting, waiting for my plane. The gate, as it happens, is directly across from the food court. Food courts aren't usually my thing, but this was a nice one, with a sports bar, and some uppity Seattle foodie stuff... and people everywhere we eating. You know when you're pregnant it seems like everyone is pregnant? Well, when you are dieting, everyone is eating. And the smells..... OMG, I wanted to die. My stomach was rumbling and my nose was going and I pretty much wanted to cry.
But I didn't.
After I got on the airplane, 1 hour in, food service came around. Figures I went and picked the one airline that actually has hot food for purchase. Some guy in my aisle ordered a pulled pork BBQ sandwich. I looked at the meal options. I really was going to get something. I couldn't stand it anymore.
But I didn't. No peanuts. No diet soda. No pretzels. Nothing. I just shut up that voice my head. Shut up stomach! Shut up.
Got home and went to bed.
3. It gets easier. I can navigate the kitchen now. I can go to a restaurant with the family. I've traveled out of state. I've managed. I'm very aware that when I am feeding the kids, I just want to pop whatever I am plating for them in my mouth. I want to swallow that extra half of pita bread.. ravioli, pasta, ham & cheese, Nutella waffles.... you name it, into my mouth.
With each day that passes, I can deal better. I made a lovely spinach and cheese frittata last night for dinner. My kids stuck up their noses. Hubs ate it, but eggs aren't his favorite. But someday, that will be a healthy meal for me. Someday when I can manage to navigate food again with self control. Someday. Until then, I just follow directions and watch that scale go down.
Weight lost to date: 15 lbs (in 13 days)
Weight til goal: 43 lbs to go (and then we re-assess. At this goal weight, I will be happily back towards the lower range of where I was in 2011 when I was training for a half marathon)
I'm older now, and maybe more realistic. I want to run again. I'm hoping by the fall. I get this weight off and start off slowly. I may not do another 13.1 but the least I can do is run a 5K or a fun run with my kids. That's a good goal for now.