Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Overwhelmed

I know there are a lot of Moms out there... a lot of wives out there.. and lot of women out there........ and sometimes there is just nothing to say other than: I'm tired.



It's the second week of school. Back to school. Back to dragging everyone out of the house, kicking, screaming and on the verge of some tear spilling breakdown due to socks, hair, shoes, or breakfast. Homework has started up. The table is covered in handouts, completed worksheets and fliers that I was supposed to read, sign or pay something or other for -- I've bought T-shirts, signed up for PTO, class helper, cheerleading.. I've washed Ju Jitsu uniforms to return (cause that didn't work out), and my lovely mother spend half a day doing laundry at my house today because the piles were about to drown us all.


Don't even get me started on daycare. The littlest Lewis has been there for 2 weeks, and VOILA! Our first runny nose. Our first cough. Our first rash of bad diapers, and several days of Tylenol... and now, there she is.. crying on the monitor...

Ok, she's bathed and I'm back.....

You know, after the littlest Lewis joined us last December, I've kind of been ON. I mean, I don't really recall my maternity leave. We moved houses, I got yelled at by the doctor by trying to exercise too soon, I felt alive again - happy to have my body back - determined to get my energy back. Next thing I knew, I was back at work, signed up for Mary & Martha, took a vacation to San Diego, celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary, planned kids birthdays, hosted gatherings, went off sugar for Lent, joined the gym, and Voila... here is in the eve of Labor Day, and I feel like I haven't taken a breath.


As a mother, I haven't pined away to stay home with my kids. I don't feel like I missed anything as I worked thru the preschool years for first two. Granted, it wasn't really an option to stay home, so when you don't have an option you just forge on. For the first time as a mother, I'm starting to wonder ~ am I making good choices? How do moms with 3 get it all done? Why can't I seem to find a system? What would my house look like if I stayed home? What kind of mom could I be? Would I be better? Would I find joy in it?

I'd pretty much bet, I'd still be tired. A different kid of tired maybe. But tired nonetheless.

I don't readily give myself the chance to admit that I'm down. Especially since I've been feeling very UP lately. I have been re-energized physically, spiritually, emotionally. My marriage is the best it has ever been (despite my monthly hormonal attempts to pick a fight). My spirit is back. My heart is happy. Even tired, I am finding joy in trying to fit as much as I can into our days.



...... I'm tired. I'm taking a deep breath. I'm looking forward to the 3 day weekend. Sure, we've got 2 birthday parties on Saturday, but that's ok. I'm hoping I get an extra moment to just exhale.......... smile and praise.

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