Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Time keeps on slippin' slippin' into the future

I look at this beautiful smile and it hard to believe that only 12 brief and yet cataclysmic weeks ago you only just arrived... how is it possible for life to cram into 3 months what seems to have taken years and many dreams to imagine?

I have this crazy desire to start a Forest Gump like list ("shrimp cocktail, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo...") of all the things that have happened since we greeted our latest little love. We've celebrated a great family Christmas. We welcomed 2014. We moved into a new house. We had unplanned emergency surgeries while on vacation. We've "Let it Go!". We've watched sister love grow. We've had moments of sheer exhaustion, sheer joy and sheer panic. We've celebrated the most human joy of new life and we've answered questions about death. We've been parents.

"Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self discovery." - Fulton Sheen

I'm sad as I think how fast this has all gone, but I'm also at peace with this new sense that I understand how fleeting and fantastic these moments are -- and maybe its the third child, maybe it's because I'm advanced maternal age, but I'm able to better understand how small and miraculous this time has been. We've been blessed.

Looking forward, I've got work to do. I had set a goal on this blog to lose 20 lbs by my birthday and I'm getting there. I've got about 7.5lbs to go. I haven't been that serious about it, just walking and trying to be mindful. My demon has always been my diet, and sugar in particular. I've given up the sugar and today I'm a week  free of baked goods, ice cream and chocolate. It is more than a diet choice, I'm trying to do this in conjunction with Lent and thus the deprivation is also a challenge for me to be more spiritual in how I approach my demons. Asking God for help rather than assuming it is all within my power. It isn't. Giving it up to Him and feeling on a very fractional scale what sacrifice Jesus made for me. I'll say it again, we've been blessed.

Today is the last day of my 12 week family leave. For my last baby girl. In my advanced maternal age. Sure, it went by too fast. I'm just glad that I'm now capable of understanding how important each fleeting moment is. My senior year book quote comes to mind:

"How life is strange and changeful, and the crystal is in the steel at the point of fracture, and the meaning of moments passes like the breeze that scarcely rustles the leaf of the willow." 
- Robert Penn Warren

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