From my blog reel, I note that today is the National Blogging Day of Remembrance. In lieu of blogging it is suggested that you step away from the computer and spend a special moment with the ones that you love in honor of the victim of the Newton tragedy. While I think that it is a nice sentiment, I'd like to think that my blog never prevents me from living, loving and praying. I need to purge these thoughts, so here goes:
I didn't intend this blog to be about Friday's events. So I will say what I did on Facebook: There is real honest-to-God evil in the world. We get lulled into a false sense of security, a decidedly first world problem. We don't see horrific death every day. We are lucky. But evil is real, and no matter whether we live in a self made prison or an open and free society, it is here. The fear that I feel after Friday is so foreign to me that the only thing I can equate it to is that feeling I had after 9/11. When all of the taken-for-granted security of my life was in question. Things I never considered crossed my mind on 9/11. I would be lying now, if I denied that I am similarly shaken to the core on Friday. Things I never considered are crossing my mind. And I'm scared.
And so, I'll pray. I'll pray for the souls of those that are lost. I will pray for peace for the families, for the school, for the town. I'll pray for the family of the shooter. I'll pray for healing, forgiveness and strength. I'll pray that God will carry them through this dark valley.
Similarly, I will pray for our country. I pray for healing and understanding. I pray that despite this moment of seeming vulnerability that we don't give up the basic human rights and freedoms that Americans enjoy. I pray that in searching for answers we don't over reach causing even more fundamental problems as a result. I pray for our President, for our senators and our representatives.
I personally pray for peace in my own heart. Friday morning, while the events unfolded in Newton, I was visiting the public elementary school down the street. Discussing the classrooms with a contact there, learning about their programs, their gifted classes, how public schools work in Arizona. I walked out feeling unsure about where we would send XJ next fall and turned on the radio. Heard the news. Cried. I don't want to let my babies grow up. Go out into the world where we know they will experience challenges, temptations, heartbreak and terror. No Mom wants their kids to knows the darkness that lives in our midst. I pray for peace in our family and in yours.
So, today, I am living, loving and praying. My mind and emotions are a jumble. I admit that I am small in the world for the things that I can control. There is so much that is beyond me and for that I ask God to reveal His plan. Show me how I can do His will. I will strive to do it.
Things I can control. I'm taking back a bit of it.
Weight loss this week: 2 lbs
Total weight loss: 2 lbs (since 12/16/12)
Weight until Goal: 23 lbs