I surrender. I've fought. I've been in denial. I've looked in the mirror and seen my 25 year old self. Not any more. It is time to admit: I've reached adulthood.
It hasn't come easily.
It would be simple to say that I felt entitled to the good things in life. I was blessed to attend a very good college preparatory school. I was exposed to money. I was blessed to study abroad at a British girls school. I was exposed to money. I was talented enough to gain admission to a good liberal arts university on the east coast. I got need based loans and a work study job, but lots more folks had money. I got a job. I got a car. I got a condo.I relocated. I bought another house. I bought another car. I bought stuff. I got married. Etc. Etc. Etc.
Turns out, I didn't really have any money. I had created a life based on an idea of what I thought I was entitled to as a person who came from a certain place with a certain education and a certain lifestyle. I was reared to know and love and give the glory to God, but I wasn't doing that. I was just existing in accordance to what society would have of me as a well educated upper-middle class white female. I arrived at 35 with all the trappings of a "successful" life. A salary. Benefits. Vacations. Cars. Houses. Clothes. Jewelry. Shoes. Yadda. Yadda. Yadda.
Excuse me if I want to be more than my demographic.
I'm pretty sure that somewhere around the age of 35 you sort of stop and realize how much you've been scrambling to get up to the top of the heap --- only to realize, that perhaps this isn't the place you wanted to be after all.
And even worse, when I got here, I had no plan where to go next.
In the past two months, I think Hubs and I have come to grasp our adulthood. We've taken a good hard look at where we are. We've done really adult and boring things like budgeting, updating our estate plans, buying life insurance, paying off debt, saving money.
But more excitingly, we've dreamed about where we want to be - and we have a plan to make it reality. I can't even tell you how awesome it is to have a life plan. We have plans. We have goals. We've figured out a way to make it happen. A plan to clear ourselves of the trappings of what I thought we were entitled and to build a life, a family, a future, a legacy for us and our kids. The plan is written down and we are ready to grow into our adulthood peacefully and without any more regrets. It isn't going to be easy but it turns out adulthood isn't easy.
Who knew adulthood was going to be so rewarding?