Thursday, May 24, 2012

Three Things Thursday - DMB Edition

My three things came to me very clearly during my post lunch DMB 'mill time... an easy 3M jog..

1. I eat too much.

2. I drink too much.

3. .... too much!

Monday, May 21, 2012

I'm sweaty and I know it.

Sometimes actually admitting it, whatever it might be, is the final, not the first, step. Just saying the words cleanses your psyche allowing you to push through, to push beyond. I think my "its ok to struggle" epiphany last week was one such moment. I can't allow myself to get all "Eddy pity party", I've got to just find a new mantra - like the one that came to me as I labored on the treadmill this morning:

I love sweat. I love sweat. I love sweat.

See, honestly, I really don't. I hate sweating. It is just gross and slippery and stinking and sorta counter to all things I'd like to be - polished, coiffed, presentable, cool, aloof. It's like singing, "I'm sweaty and I know it", when you'd just rather be "sexy". I mean really, when faced with sweaty or sexy, I'd take the later.

But this morning, I embraced the sweat. I pushed thru that mental wall that has been growing up in my psyche in the past two months and felt much better for it - sweat and all. In fact, since my struggling blog admission last week, I've had two good sessions on the treadmill where I feel that I got my legs back, if that makes any sense. I felt like I could have kept going for another couple miles on both occasions but for fear of causing more harm, I've been wrapping up my runs around the 3 mile distance for the past few weeks.

Slowly and surely I will turn sweaty to sexy. I love to sweat. I love to sweat. I love to sweat. My new mantra.

Oh, and just cause we all love some rum... why is the rum always gone? I run to drink rum... not that its doing me much good!

Week in Review:

 Count: 5 Activities
 Distance: 17.75 mi
 Time: 3:53:45 h:m:s
 Elevation Gain: 182 ft
 Avg Speed: 4.6 mph
 Avg HR: 138 bpm
 Calories: 2,192 C

Weigh In: + 1.5 lbs
Weight loss to date: NADA
Weight til goal: 11 lbs

Friday, May 18, 2012

It is Ok to Struggle

I can't locate the source of my anxiety. I can't say that it is________ or _______. It just is. I've been on edge. I'm sad. I'm lonely. I'm just unsure of myself. I've lost my mojo somewhere around here and I can't find it.

Perhaps it is a self fulfilling prophecy. I worried a LOT about what a move to the desert would do for my progress. I should have tackled this with the attitude that it was the ultimate challenge - a total new place to test my fortitude. I think a lot of my anger is that I'm failing to do that.

Instead, I've closed the door. I'm not going out. I'm returned to the comfort of my house, my treadmill, my larger size clothes, my comfort foods, my sweets. I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm afraid.

I don't want to go back.

This is all a good reason for why I haven't been blogging.

I don't want to go back.

All I have come up with is this -- it is ok to struggle. It is okay. As long as I keep fighting. Struggle is part of the process. There are going to be ups and downs. I just have to keep trying. I will get thru this and be better for it in the end.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Just say "No!"

I'm working on it, the whole saying "no" thing ....

Week in Review:

Weigh in:
Weight loss this week: .5 lbs
Weight till Goal: 9.5 lbs

 Count: 5 Activities
 Distance: 15.90 mi
 Time: 3:09:58 h:m:s
 Elevation Gain: 268 ft
 Avg Speed: 5.0 mph
 Avg HR: 154 bpm
 Calories: 1,974 C     

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Lymon Munson 5K - Fire it Up!

I donned my Fire It Up bracelet and jumped on the treadmill this morning. My employer, Fireman's Fund Insurance Company, was encouraging us all to celebrate the life of Lymon Munson.  

Lyman Munson...
...loved learning and sharing his knowledge with others. Accomplished academically and as an outstanding underwriter, Lyman challenged conventional thinking and always shared his knowledge freely. 
...valued the opinions of others and led by example. He believed in the power and responsibility of asking questions and making tough decisions. 
...had a zest for life. He was a passionate runner, who deeply loved his family, community, and greyhound rescue dogs.
...loved root beer and ate chocolate chip cookies, daily.
...believed in One Fireman's Fund -- that our collective whole is greater than the sum of our individual disciplines. 
...will forever be known for the phrase "Fire it up!" Said frequently, and with passion, this statement was Lyman's way of inspiring others to take on challenges and focus on winning. Lyman "Fired it up" each and  every day!

So, Fire it Up today!  Lymon Munson, this 5K is for you! 

Monday, May 7, 2012

It's Monday! See Eddy Run!

Let the calorie counting and weigh ins begin! I've gotten on the scale (first time in months), I've logged back into my calorie counter. I've set up my SmartCoach training plan (less miles since I'm on the treadmill) and I've strapped on my shoes. I've already picked out some new ones as motivation. I've got a plan, run / strength train, repeat X 5. I've got motivation... my  growing stomach.

Time to start over. Time to continue the journey. Time to feel better about myself.

I've done this before. I can do it again. See Eddy Run! My new friend and I will be spending many hours together this summer....

It's May 7th. Lets see how fast I can lose 10 lbs.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

3 Things Thursday - A Retrospective

Feeling a bit nostalgic today, I've taken a look back at what I was doing in May 2011.

1. My RUNiversary. I took it to the streets for the first time in April 2011 and ran my first 20 mile week the first week of May 2011. Pushing too far too soon, I quickly slowed down. Darn Achilles pain! I've been a runner for a year. It has been a life changing year, and even though I am currently in a bit of a slump, I am ever so proud of what I've accomplished.

2. My GARMINiversy. I wasn't far down the road when I "gadgeted up". My brother was in Madtown that weekend and REI was running their annual sale. Eddy picked up the ForeRunner 110 and hasn't left home without it since. I'm not sure what exactly I would do without my Garmin. Yep, I'm one of those runners. Need music, pace, distance, and speed available at all times. These days, just walking the dog, looking at my Garmin is horribly depressing, but I'm still wearing it and it is still motivating me.

3. Size 14. This time last year, I was beeping. I was a size 14. I was celebrating it. I was loving the non-PLUS size clothes shopping. I was proud of my body. I felt strong and capable. May 2012? I'm Size 14, again. This time, I'm feeling flabby and embarrassed. It has everything with how I got to sz 14 again. Last year, I had lost 80 pounds and earned every size of clothing that I dropped. Since losing the 100 lbs, I've gained back a happy 10 lbs and am comfortably back into my 14s. My stint at SZ 12 was like my wedding day---- gorgeous, full of photos, smiles, compliments, celebrations, a whirlwind... and short lived. Back in normal day life, having moments of weakness and struggle, I'm a 14. And that's ok.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Oh Mr. Sun! (April Rewind)

Running came to a quick halt here in the desert when the temps topped out at 105 last week. Add heat to mental burnout and you've got a recipe for some Eddy back tracking. Add a week long head cold and a stressful house hunting trip by my folks to my already increasing depression and you can't blame me for seeking solace in some Ben & Jerry's. Nonetheless, I will forge on. On the agenda this weekend --get thee sister's treadmill to my house!

Accountability baby. Here it is. April Rewind.

 Count: 12 Activities
 Distance: 56.11 mi
 Time: 9:36:21 h:m:s
 Elevation Gain: 991 ft
 Avg Speed: 5.8 mph
 Avg HR: 144 bpm
 Calories: 5,925 C

I'm committed to getting back at it. I'm allowing the "it" portion of it to be determined. I have in mind to start something different, I just have yet to figure out what it is. I'm not satisfied with my current state and I'm resolved to change it. No more hiatus. Onward and upward. Must embrace the sun not hide from it.