My knees hurt. My shins hurt. My ego hurts. I've gained 10 lbs (not this week, although it feels like it). Tuesday I headed out into 2 inches of fresh snow in the Yak Trax. Turns out the roads were clear. Running 5 miles on Yak Trax on pavements killed my legs. Pain. Ouch. Should have stopped but I didn't.
Oh, and have I mentioned this was a taper week? I ran a fraction of the miles that I have been logging. My 5 miles felt like 10 miles. My thoughts were so negative this week that I can't fathom how I have EVER ran more than 6 miles. Ever. I'm wondering who that Eddy was that did those 12 miles runs. It couldn't have been this body and these legs...
I can directly attribute my hard week to two things:
1. Stress (no, duh)
2. I'm going to miss my race. ( was a motivator, not the only one, but a good one)
The move has shaken my world like a snow globe. We're juggling everything and suddenly running isn't the most important thing. I'm proud that I'm still doing it but this week it was just running. It was not Eddy training for a half Marathon. It was Eddy running off the stress of the impending decisions. The emotion of moving my house, my kids, my work, my life. It was the crushing pressure of my husband leaving town, of coming up with the money to front our move, deciding on a new house, selling a car, finding a daycare, shipping our cats. As I ran this week, the normal frivolity of my Ipod was drown in sea of frenetic thoughts - "What if ____? Can we ____? Will it be____?" So many questions and no answers as I pounded my shins, knees and legs into the pavement.
For the first time since I started training in December, I took two days off. I met my old self again, the non-running Eddy. You can ask Hubs, she's not very nice. By Saturday afternoon, I was a lunatic yelling at my kids, yelling at my husband and dying to get out of the house. I don't care how much I'm hurting, I've got to run tomorrow I said to myself as I drifted off to sleep last night.
So, I ran today. The first mile was brutal. The second mile, I warmed up. The third (9:16) and fourth mile (9:07) I beat myself up on the road. The fifth mile I was happy to be turning to home. And so much happier all day. So happy this hard week is over.
Because of this move, I'm going to miss my first half marathon. Missing my race turns up the volume of the little voice in my head who asks: "Why are you doing THIS?" But despite the move, I did run every day I was meant to this week. I might have cut some corners here and there, but I got out there even when the going was tough (what does my left foot going numb mean? Never done that before today).
I don't know what next week will bring. I'm feeling so overwhelmed in every department of my life including running. I've got to just slow down and realize I can't do it all in one day. I can't pack the house today. I can't run all my miles at 9 min pace today. I'm just going to try to get done what I can get done and remember how far I've come.
Week 12 in review. All outside. This Wisconsin winter continues to delight us!
|Elevation Gain:||429 ft|
|Avg Speed:||6.0 mph|
|Avg HR:||152 bpm|