After adjusting my Patriots (Brady is my boyfriend) tee shirt - actually, pulling it down so that who ever was standing behind me while I did my plank leg lifts didn't have to see my jiggly tummy - I stood up to look at my training plan. Standing there, I looked up. Caught a glimpse of myself in the mirrored wall at the gym.
"Holy cr@p, I'm skinny."
And then a second thought....
"Well, not really skinny, but skinny for me."
When I started this blog back in September 2010, I distinctly remember blogging that I was dysfunctional because despite the weight, I still saw my good looking not-so-fat self in the mirror.
Now, here I am, not-so-fat, and I can't see the skinny. That just seems a bit horrible, don't you think? Denial when I was fat, and disbelief when I am fit. I never thought of myself as someone who didn't believe in herself - or see herself as she was - but now, I am not so sure. Is this really me? Who am I now?
Occasionally, I get a glimpse of that new Girl. A moment in a run when I feel invincible. Or I've caught a glimpse of my shadow, and while I chase her I think, "Wow. Who knew?" There are other moments when I feel the pride. And pretty much every day I head out the door, I am running to chase that shadow of a girl that I saw - the glimpse of the potential me. Fear got me off the couch in 2010. I didn't know how much I could do then. I'm getting a better idea of my potential every day, but fear is still the motivator. Fear of sitting back down again. Being benched in my own game.
So, I run. I keep putting myself out there. I keep finding moments, albeit brief, of glory. In case you haven't figured it out yet, it is seriously addicting - the glory part. I'm after it.
This morning my moment of glory came with this song on Pandora. I think I'm a new fan. I got a ticket to the show.