Monday, October 31, 2011

Scary! Boo!

My run this morning. Scary stuff. I might as well be wearing a costume because I don't recognize myself.

Distance: 10.03 mi
Time: 1:46:39
Avg Pace: 10:38 min/mi
Elevation Gain: 442 ft
Calories: 1,230 C

Untitled by agirlcallededdy at Garmin Connect - Details

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Goals. Round 2.

I've been languishing in my post goal accomplishment. Its been beautiful.


I need goals. I've done well sort of fluctuating on 2 lbs on either side of my goal weight, but I'm selfish, I want more. So, here's what I've got going on.

I'm going to run a race. Big whoop you all say. I should have done it like 5 months ago. But 5 months ago I was chicken (and still am for that matter) and not mentally ready. I know I can run well. I know I can even run fast. So it is time to come out of the running closet and do it in PUBLIC. I'm hoping that I've convinced some mommy friends to join me at the Berbee Derby on Turkey Day, but if not, I will register as an individual and do it alone. Either way, it has to be done.

Second. Back to the weight. I want to lose another 15 lbs by my Birthday (April 2012). I think this is an aggressive and yet attainable goal. It will help me to have this goal as the SUGAR is getting me down as of late and I need to get my focus back. Especially thru the holidays. I can feel the food calling my name.

So, I put these two goals out to the blogosphere and expect you all to hold me accountable.

When this is all said and done (never going to happen), maybe I will go to Disney World.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Forcing myself to say something

I'm out of sorts and I don't feel like talking about it. I've gone inside myself over the last month. I can't say it has been any particular thing that has caused it. It is a sort of a let down. A minor depression cycle of fall, maybe.

It has got me thinking.

A lot of people who lose weight gain it back. I can see why now. It is really hard work to keep up this momentum. If I eat too much I have to exercise harder to maintain. Counting calories has lost its allure and I've had a taste of sugar and I'm jonesing for some more. That's the easy answer.

My running stats for the last week:

Count: 5 Activities
Distance: 22.69 mi
Time: 3:43:34 h:m:s
Avg Speed: 6.1 mph
Avg HR: 152 bpm
Calories: 2,871 C

The harder issue is that so much has changed. And not all of the change has been good. The good change is obvious. I feel better. I look better. I'm healthier. The subtle changes are less obvious. I feel fractured because I don't recognize myself. I'm selfish about my time, my workout, my new routines. I'm less intimate. I can't seem to find it within myself to give outwardly. I've got no words. I don't want to talk about it. I just feel like a little bit of an alien to myself and that spills over into my most important relationship.

I don't know how to fix it and I'm not wanting answers right now. I just need to put this out there. It has been an amazing transformation, but there are some things that I lost that I'd like back now.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"and I will never need umbrellas in the rain.."

I quoted this in my senior year book. There is a lot going on with my old high school on facebook these days which reminded me of the song.

It also is a nice prelude to the festivities this weekend. Certainly it sums up my general not-so-sure-what-I-am-doing-right now. It is time to be a ghost! Will I pay for who I've been?

I forget my own words too. No worries Tori.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011


The Lewis family blurred through Maryland this weekend. I say blurred because it was a whirlwind tour, 16 hour drive out on Thursday, thirty some odd family members mingling on Saturday, lots of ham and cheese sandwiches, nap times with black out shades (got to love a hotel), 1 speeding ticket, a shattered oil lamp vase AND Christmas tree ornament at Cracker Barrel, 1 panic attack (Minivan DVD system ceased to function), and ummmm, hours of missed sleep = blur. It is all a bit blurry still.

But for all the blur, one thing is clear. There is something lovely and fundamental about returning to where you spent the happy carefree days of your childhood. Of course, there is the prerequisite shock over the change. The geography changes, the faces change, the cars change, sometimes even the decor changes, but the feeling is the same. That at home feeling. There is something that happens to my hubby when he travels to the "end of the road." I can see the desire in him for the most simple of things, family, love and fellowship. That is what blurred together this weekend. It is the thread of blurry continuity in his childhood that provides the foundation of the childhood we strive to give our girls today. It is a lovely thing to see why the man you married is the man you love. That is a happy blurry feeling. Thank God for the blur.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Why I am a Runner

That's it. It is official. I am a runner. Not because I have done any races. Not because I am built like a stick figure. Not because I live in my sneakers. No. Those are not the reasons.

I am a runner because I am addicted. I can't seem to go a day without a run. There is this internal thing in me that loves the endorphin rush. That loves getting past that 3, 4, or 5 mile mark and feel like I can still keep going. I love feeling that every time I get out there I am steadier, stronger and faster. Each time I am working my lungs and working off the jiggle. Every time I come in and pull off my Garmin that I have ten times as much energy as I did before. I have less appetite for food and more appetite for life.

That's why I am a runner. And yep, I am a runner now. I am afraid to stop. I am afraid to lose this level of fitness, where I can run 5 miles, and then walk up and down the block and have a heart rate back under 100. That's why I run.

I also run so that I can eat. I haven't purposefully stopped logging my food diary, but inadvertently I have. I haven't been eating perfectly well these past few weeks. I am splurging on date night, desserts, and too much bread. But I've run. And so I am thrilled to report that 6 weeks after my goal achievement of 100 lbs lost, I have maintained my weight loss to the pound. Now granted I feel a bit guilty, cause frankly, I would have lost weight if I hadn't splurged, but this is about living, and I am doing just that. Like today, perfect football, chili in the crockpot and homemade apple pie with apples from our orchard trip. Gotta love fall!

My week, running:

Count: 6 Activities
Distance: 24.28 mi
Time: 4:04:03 h:m:s
Elevation Gain: 572 ft
Avg Speed: 6.0 mph
Calories: 3,165 C

I ran long and hard this week. I probably should have stayed home for 2 of these runs, but I didn't. Part of the reason is that we are taking a trip in the next week and I'm sure I will be missing my running time. It is family time and I can't wait to show off my two little beauties to some family in Maryland that we don't get to see very often.