Monday, March 21, 2011

On Relationships


I've always had an affinity for treatises. You know, those philosophical undertakings by thinkers in a long gone era where they waxed and waned eloquently about topics that appeared complicated or misunderstood. I took a lot of political philosophy courses in university and not because I liked political philosophy but because a title as simple as

A Treatise on Government

seemed ambitious, unlikely and cavalier in my opinion. Thus, I wanted to know more.

It is without even the faintest hope of explaining actual relationships that I title this post

On Relationships

A treatise, of sorts.

As I was falling asleep last night I was cataloging the formative relationships that I have had in my life. And by relationships, I would define that as relationships that would or could have been categorized as amorous on some level. Have you ever done this? Sort of a movie of the life of Mara..

And thinking back, it seems so different than it did when I lived it. Last night I was taking that philosophical approach, why is it different now? What prevented me for seeing those relationships for what they were at the time?

Well, that is easy - I did. Me. Moi. I saw them different because I was different. I was me, but less me. I was still trying to find me. And I didn't know what was happening to me (was it love?) cause I couldn't imagine how someone else could love me. I couldn't understand it because I didn't love myself. If I can't love me, who can?

Now mind you, I don't think I had this thought pattern back then. Back then I was a jungle mass of insecurity and nerves. But now, as a older more self actualized (lets hope so) being, I can see the wood for the trees. Heck, I see the whole forest.

They, the proverbial they, say it all the time. To really understand love, you have to love yourself. Only then can you accept love from someone else. That you can't look for someone else to fulfill you. That the only person who can make you whole, is yourself. Once you are an authentic you, then you radiate, like the sun, you brighten those that you are near and people want more of you. They want to bask in your glow. Feel your happiness and joy. Doors open. Love walks in. Hello!

I've been on a journey in the past 6 months. It started as a weight loss journey. It turned into a journey regarding my overall health, my worth as a person, as a Mom, and more so, as a wife. I have learned to love myself again. I am more willing to show love and more willing to accept love. It is a daily habit. If you don't do it, all things are neglected, including the love you able to accept. More than any size, ring or other bauble, that is the ultimate reward.

I have a lot more to say on this... as well all know, treatise are long. Consider this an introduction.

Oh, and it is Monday:

Loss this week: 1 lbs
Total loss to date: 77 lbs
Lbs to next goal: 23 lbs

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