Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Existentialism

 

Having a midweek lull and a bit of a wandering in my mind these days about time, goals, true callings. The phrase 'existential crisis' sort of floats thru my consciousness. This morning I even thought I wanted to have another baby, that is how random and unpredictable my feelings and thoughts are these days. Rest assured, I quickly placed that thought far far away in the back of my brain. Clearly, I am careening between elation and frustration almost minute by minute this week.

So, it is time to stop. And take a picture.

This is who I am and where I am now. I think I mentioned a while back that I don't own a mirror. I've never really sought them out and frankly, not having a mirror was a nice crutch for the denial that I had lived in about my weight. I may buy one. I may need to buy a mirror so that I keep seeing myself. I mean that in both a physical and spiritual way.

I am still not entirely happy with what I see. I am, however, starting to see me. The real me. The me I used to know. The happy me. The me who does things, hopes things, isn't afraid of things. The me who wants to live and exist. So, really I guess an existential crisis right now, isn't a bad thing. There just seem a lot more opportunities of existing now than there were 60 lbs ago.
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