Monday, December 27, 2010

Shiny!


Monday after Christmas. And I thought the Monday after Thanksgiving was bad. I definately let myself go this weekend. I can forgive myself the yummy savory meals. I can allow for celebratory spirits. But, the overdose on Christmas cookies was a real problem. I have reaffirmed my previous blog comment. It is easier to eat no sugar at all than to eat a "moderate" (does such a thing exist?) amount. I really struggled to stop eating sugar and chocolate after I had indulged. Sugar cookies with icing were a real downfall. Peanutbutter cookies. Buckeyes. Apple Pie. Ferrero Rocher. Ghiardelli. They are my frenemies.

Enough. To the weigh in:

Weight loss this week: + 2 lbs
Total loss to date: 55lbs

(CORRECTION - I just scrolled down my blog. It appears I actually gained 2 lbs this week. ARGH. Even worse!)

Even sadder is that earlier this week I was down 3 lbs. So, I definately ate myself back into several pounds over the weekend. I would feel worse, however, if I hadn't excercised. I got back on the Wii yesterday and chastised myself with a Biggest Loser routine.

Ok, enough self loathing. Must think about the big picture.

My wonderful husband spoiled me with a lovely right hand right as part Christmas and part "you-lost-50-pounds" present. It is lovely. I will say that I had a little part in picking it out, but who cares? It is mine now! I intend to wear the ring every day as a reminder of what I am capable of, and what I am worth. That my goals are real, attainable, and only I can achieve them. That a little bit of icing isn't worth bling.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

AFTER

 


Heading into Christmas and needing some weight loss "pep" as I face the yumminess that is cookies, pie, egg nog and all things Xanthe refers to as "treats". My After collage is missing that full body AFTER shot. I had hoped to get a good shot this past weekend and was sad that the camera didn't seem to reflect the new me the way I hoped that the new me looked.

As for this week, any weight loss is good work. I've got the same goal for this week that I had for Thanksgiving. Keep at it and if I don't gain weight I've done well. At least I appear to be over the stomach bug I had earlier this week. That was no fun!

Merry Christmas to all my friends. I miss you dearly and wish I was better at keeping in touch. Would help also if we could just stop the clock and have a coffee, eh?

Much love,

Mara
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Monday, December 20, 2010

Labor

I am not in much of a celebratory mood, despite the impending holiday and continued success on the scale:

Weight loss this week: 3.5 lbs
Total weight loss to date: 57 lbs

Yesterday morning my stomach seized up. I spent the day fluctuating between nausea and cramps. Chills rolled like waves over my body. Each movement warranted considerable deliberation. I was down. I was out.

The last time I felt like this - I was in labor with Xanthe. Now granted these are not usual labor symptoms, but my experience was a bit different. I got sick in labor, fever, stress, nausea... well, and of course, cramps aka contractions. Yesterday ranked up there with labor and gall bladder attacks on the pain/misery scale.

I am still not 100%. I sort of feel like my stomach got punched, repeatedly... and now I am just sore, burning, achy and have no energy whatsoever. Any weight loss right now is because I don't have the moxy to lift a spoon, not cause I am endeavoring on some great aerobic adventure.

Ugh... time to return to the fetal position....

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

BEFORE

 


Some very smart friends told me that I will regret not taking BEFORE pictures. They were right. So, as I sit here and watch the finale of the Biggest Loser, I have scanned my Picasa albums for the worst of the worst. These pictures are not only horrid in showing all the nasty nasty weight, but they are just horrid photos all together. Nothing pretty in these. But, I figure, that is what THEY do.... the THEY of makeover fame.

I will get all glam for some AFTER pictures... just haven't done it yet. I think I might even have to don my boots. Maybe I will start my AFTER collage now, and just keep adding to it as the new fabulous pictures keep on coming in..
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Monday, December 13, 2010

"You've been missing a lot of work recently..."


"... can't say I've been missing it...."

What keeps you going? Meal after meal? Day after day? Week after week? Month after month?

Weight loss this week: 3.5lbs
Total loss to date: 53.5lbs

Motivation has crossed my mind a lot this week. Beyond the obvious reasons, what is keeping me at this? Part of it is habit now. Part of it is that I am enjoying the success. Another part is wondering what else I could have accomplished in my life if only I had taken the time to try. I've been pretty accepting of mediocrity. I've also been very forgiving, to myself, for my short comings. Should I have expected more?

Along with the satisfaction does come happiness. But thankfully, my happiness isn't new. I've been blessed with many joys over the years and they haven't been lost on me, whatever my size. A very good motivation is the desire to be around to see what other joys might befall me in the future.

Oh, and watch this right hand... I've got my eye on a sparkler!
(Now, that IS motivation....)

Monday, December 6, 2010

Dove Diversions


I don't have much to report after last weeks hip-hip-horray-me, I've lost 50 lbs.

My official is:

Weight loss this week: 3 lbs
Weight loss to date: 50 lbs

Things that have crossed my mind recently....

It is awfully self absorbed to be contantly posting on here about my weight loss journey. I am amazed and sort of shocked at the bountiful support I have received. I don't expect anyone to read this as it is all for my own accountability, but wow, am I lucky to have such wonderful support. And if you don't read, and don't care, no skin off my back. I just got to keep at this. If I miss a post, something is up.

....

I wonder why I vascilate so wildly between knowing what I want in life and having no idea. Is this adulthood? As a young adult, it is perfectly acceptable to being living but not really sure what you are doing. What about now? Mid-30's and I haven't a clue. Some days I like my job. Some days I don't. I dream about doing something else - but ask me what? I have no idea. Maybe I should have finished law school. Maybe I should have gone on for a masters in education. Maybe I should work at the Lancome counter. And I have to wonder, will I ever figure it out? What will light my fire?

....

Some fantastic toddlerisms as of late...

"Wokels" (Waffles)

Mommy says to X: "If you are lucky you might get to watch Super Why on the IPAD."
"I lucky."

and so she was...

"What dis?"
Daddy answers - "prunes"
"Oh, frunes... I like dis. Not Applecot?"
"No, not apricots."

....

Oh, and I bought the boots. I also bought new jeans (size 16 OMG!). I have waterproofed the boots, which means, I suppose, that I am keeping them. I am just sort of still on the fence. My trouble is that we don't own a full length mirror (hello - does that just illustrate the state of my weight denial or what?). Thus, I really don't know if I like the whole ensam(ble) yet. I am threatening to have Erik take some pics of me. I fear I will look like a some sort of Fair food-on-a-stick, like a Dove ice cream bar or something (still got food on the brain).

.... and the brain continues off in other divergent ways...

Thank you to my husband for a lovely fodue dippin date on Friday night....

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I've surprised even myself.


Three months ago I wrote on this blog:

Short Term: create new habits, treat my body well, remember what a gift my body is for giving me life, love, and two beautiful babies, incorporate excercise into my life, realistic target size: 18/20

Today, I am declaring short term goal accomplished. In exactly 3 months and 1 day I have reached:

Total Weight Lost: 50 lbs

I am doing all the things that I wrote above. I have created new habits - excercise and diet. I am treating my body better and feeling amazed that not only did this body give birth to two amazing little humans, but also that it has been so forgiving to all the damage I have inflicted upon it. Despite my weight gain, I never suffered some of the issues a lot of heavier folks are prone to. That might have been one of the reasons that I was in such denial about how big I had actually become. Not so much now. I love that I have energy. Energy to jump up and run up the stairs... dance with my children to christmas carols.. walk my parents dog on extra long walks... spend all day shopping...

Speaking of shopping, although I haven't really figured out what size I am - each time I buy new clothes they fit in the store, and then after I wear them at home they are falling off my body... but I am definately down to a size 18, if not smaller. Right now I am sort of in another clothing rut - my last splurge jeans (as posted here) look like clown pants, and I am back in the market for ANOTHER pair of jeans - size unknown. This sounds more encouraging that it actually is. It is mostly due to how and where I've lost weight. It appears that the weight has largely come of my rear end, rather than my tummy... which isn't surprising as the tummy muscles have had the largest trauma of back to back pregnancies. The result is that the pants have to be purchased to accomodate my tummy, but are falling off my backside. I have the constant baggy butt. It is not attractive. Thus, I've really started to focus my excercise energies on my tummy region.

I will also declare my next goal today. I've spoken it around, particularly to my hubby... but let's put it in writing:

Next goal: Another 25lbs down for total 75lb weight loss.

That sounds totally unattainable, but heck, I've lost 50lbs in 3 months, so who knows what I am really capable of.... I suprised even myself.