During the sermon this morning, Pastor Robb talked about having gone to see Kitt Kitteredge in the theater on Saturday. She said that she was sad that the movie would be labeled a children's movie because then the themes of the film would be undermined... that it really is a movie about being a good neighbor and loving them as you love yourself...
And I sat in the pew and the guilt started to ice me... like God was taking a Redi Whip can to my head. What movie did I see this weekend? The first movie I've seen since... I-can't-remember and the last I will see until kingdom-comes... Sex and the City. And it was for our anniversary. Erik is a good man.
But, then I started to realize that the themes of Sex and the City weren't all that far off from what is usually served up from the pulpit. The plights of Carrie, Big, Miranda and Steve, its all about forgiveness. If you've seen the movie, you know that they carry this theme without much subtlty... but still, how many men in America have refused to see this film because it is a chick flick? How many people have scoffed at the film due to its title? Its out-there-in-your-face-unabashedly-unapologetic-sexiness?
Forgiveness. I catalog the relationships in my life. They seem to fall into one folder or another.
Folder 1 is titled "Mara is whole".
Folder 2 is titled "Mara is not whole".
Whole is when I loved myself, I forgave myself, I forgave others, and was therefore capable of loving someone else without losing myself.
Not whole is when I was seeking relationships to affirm myself, affirm my self worth, and/or worse, I was using the relationship as a definition, as a crutch, as a weapon or as a filler (not unlike Redi Whip). In the end, I rightfully ended up alone again.
The women of Sex and the City learn that you cannot forgive, you cannot love, until you are whole. And I think that wholeness is when you are unabashedly sexy... unapologetically full of self love... willing to step back and say, I need me.... or, I need me back.
Like a Shakespearean comedy, Sex and the City left Erik & I with a sense that we are right with the world. I am whole. He is whole. Together we are better than the sum of our two parts. Like Carrie, I've been in a lot of relationships... I've had my "Aidens" and my "Alekzandr" and my "Mr. Big".... and in the end, I am wholly in love with my Erik.
I am not sure how Pastor Robb finished her sermon this morning. But at the end I said AMEN and I meant it.