This blog is the grown up sister of a series of journals that I kept in my teens and twenty-something years. The most formative of those years were during my sojourns to England, where I hobnobbed with the social stratosphere of "public" (british for private) school attendees and sipped sherry at functions in World Heritage sites. In those years, my journal was my constant companion.. that, a cup of coffee and I am embarassed to admitt, a pack of "fags". I wanted so badly to be a modern day beatnik or something of that sort.
Flash forward to my thirty-somethings and I am trying to maintain some semblance of cool that I once embodied. I don't smoke anymore. I don't sip sherry and hardly drink wine. My coffee these days has a whole different purpose. I actually need it to get awake, not just STAY awake. I see 4am about as frequently now as I did 10 years ago, but for a wholly different reason, and for necessity, not choice.
In my junior year at Bucknell, I left the states, to enroll in the University College of the University of Durham, which happens to be housed in Durham Castle (links to left). I lived in the Castle Keep, room 44. My roommate was a very accommodating Swedish girl named Louise, who I think I thoroughly abused and wish I could apologize to. In that room, I lived in a ephemeral and intense emotional state. I learned that how you perceive things isn't necessarily how someone else does. I learned that communication is more than words. I learned what it was like to fall in love with ones self, to fall in love with a place. I am still learning how, with time, some memories become clear like crystal and others fade into shadow.
There are moments in life that are foundational. Moments and impressions that change a person and how they think. Part of growing is allowing those moments to define you without imprisoning you. To truly live, you have to grow and allow for those memories to change in meaning in relation to the rest of your life.
When I started writing this blog, I was dying to title a post, "I used to live in a castle". I mean, honestly, WHO gets to say that? But on second thought, I am more happy to say, I don't live in a castle anymore.