Friday, March 10, 2017

Life Happens

Please forgive me upfront for this post. It is going to sound really elementary... sheltered... ridiculous even. It's going to be obvious. It's going to sound stupid.

When you are staring fear in the face.... when everything you know is ripped out from under you... when you start to wonder how you go on... that sort of life-rattling, soul-quaking, spirit-searching event... all the other stuff that I've talked about on this blog... weight, politics, vacations, bra-reviews.. seems pretty darn trivial.

When you've grown up... Protected. Loved. Forgiven. Encouraged. Celebrated. Blessed. Never losing trust, never losing love, never losing a foundational relationship or person...

Facing it - the "it" that might take away the cornerstone of that love - can be pretty darn upsetting. Upsetting like anxiety for the perpetually calm. Sleeplessness for the one who could sleep for a job. Emotional outbreaks for the person mostly cool, calm and collected.

I've done my share of adulting since February 18 when my happy little bubble world went pop. Can I just have a couple days with NO adulting? That'd be great...

Life happens and it is painful. That shouldn't be surprising but somehow it is.

The "it" that has moved into my world in the form of a unwelcome tumor is pancreatic cancer. It's fair to say that our family may never be the same again. The "it" has brought all of us to our knees and the question now is how do we respond? Do we let it rob us of all the things that we enjoyed for so long (see list above)... love... celebration... or do we just make room for this unwelcome visitor and find blessings where we can?

That is what we do... We grasp for the thankfulness. We bask in the light. We hoard peace. We relish the moments and we know that it sounds silly to say we never expected this -- of course, we know our time here is fleeting.

Maybe I'm not running like I used to.... Life happens... but...

Hope is my new marathon.  Mercy and grace are my hydration.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

America is still the best thing going (ie. I voted for Trump Part 2)

The second most read post on this blog was viewed by 2300+ people and titled Dear Republican Party.. or Dear Democrats. It was written with a heart in turmoil after Trump successfully triumphed over Hillary Clinton last fall. I was honest for whom I voted for. I wanted friends, mostly liberal, to see, that you can - actually be educated - be a woman - with a vagina no less - and vote for a man for reasons unrelated to the blather that the mainstream media is forcing down our throats about Trump's alleged racism, sexism and whatever else they can come up with...

I have a similar feeling today. Man, I'm sorry folks. But if you marched today and couldn't even bring yourself to turn on the TV yesterday, you've got a problem. If you think you're capable of civil discourse and you can't even praise the peaceful transfer of power to a man who rightfully won the White House, then it's time to look in the mirror. In fact, as I was insulted and told to check my privilege last fall...  need I say mirror? I better stop....

Millions of Americans want a government who will leave them alone.
Millions of Americans believe that rights come from God, not the government.
Millions of Americans know that true charity comes from one neighbor to the next without a government mandate.
Millions of Americans see the consolidation of power in Washington while their local economies crumble and want DC to do less, be less, suck less life out of the rest of our country.
Millions of Americans understand that equality comes with empowerment of the individual thru liberty and freedom, not regulation and collective identity.
Millions of Americans want a shot at the American dream.

So march. You are free to do that. But you don't march for me.

As a woman who votes for more issues than her sexual reproductive rights, I will sit back and applaud. For the first time in many years, the left sees that fear of government and dissent is a real and even patriotic thing. Welcome back.  I know that feeling. So, the flipside of the coin is here. Use your voice. Use your purse. Vote with your feet and your wallet. You are free to do that. Stock food. Get your concealed carry license.. I'll take you to the range. Establish a charity for your issue of choice. But considering that Trump is no ideologue... Trump is not a true conservative... and Trump isn't a sexist, racist pig... you do yourselves and your cause a disservice for not even listening to what he says. America is still the best thing going, don't take it for granted or wish it away. #silentmajority

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Jan Week 2 - Me? Military?

The rubber meets the road on all those resolutions this week... can't you just feel it? The stress of last year creeping into the resolve of this year? Week one were all determination to change. Week 2 were falling back to old excuses. Week 3 we wonder what we were thinking in the first place...

I started this year with a lovely Kathleen Turner-esque chest cold. I took the first week of Jan to refocus. I've become classically good at allowing exercise to be my crutch, and the diet... it just lags behind in priority. I do well during the day. I always have my shake for breakfast, and I usually do alright with lunch. But after 3pm my willpower seems to fly out the window.... then add a glass of wine, and I'm shoving all sorts of sweets in my mouth.

I buckled down. BIG TIME. No more sweets. No more wine. Just whole foods, all the time.

The result? I have shed a massive amount of water weight (hello inflammation!). In 10 days, I have lost 10 lbs. I have probably consumed more vegetables in 10 days that I did in all of December 2016. I've drank water. I've eaten whole fruits. I've had 1 glass of wine. YAY me!!

I've started doing Tony Horton's 22 Minute Military Hard Corp. It is short but it hurts. I'm sore all over, in a good way. Now, just get thru Jan week 3 and I'm on my way!! 2017, I'm coming for ya!


Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Time to climb back on the....

horse? bandwagon?..

Sometimes the first step is the hardest.

Today, for me, it's the scale.

I've stayed active but umm, the food? Not so good. Since Thanksgiving I've lost my willpower. Sweets, nights out, glasses of wine, more sweets. Baking..

Time to regroup. I know, Jan is coming. Why now? Well, as I careen between binging and guilt, I've been all sorts of zen about the scale. But the pants are tight, I'm not happy with how I feel. The carbs have me so jazzed up that sleeping isn't peaceful...

Time to face reality in the form of a number.

I knew (deep down) what the number was that would pop back after a ten second delay. I'm ok with where I am. It has been FAR worse. But, it is still a number that I had hoped I had passed for good, never to return. But I'm okay. I know how to do this. I know that a number does not define me. I know that even at this number I'm okay. I can still run 5 miles at a clip and I'm not the overweight fearful person that I once was...

But it's time to reign it in.

Getting back on the horse.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Dear Republican Party.. or Dear Democrats....

Dear Republican Party: 

Or Dear Democrats: 

Or Dear Friends, Neighbors, Acquaintances.... 

I don't know who I need to address this to, but I need to get it off my chest. 

I am white. I am educated. I am a mom. I am upper middle class.  I am the vote that wasn't supposed to be for Trump. I wasn't, until about 10 days ago... but that's another post. 

In the end, I was not with Her. I do not endorse his behavior or his language, or his past sexual encounters, or his business dealings. I voted based on my hope that Trump would surround himself with people that would guide him to return to the constitutional principles that the country was founded upon. It was a hope. Nothing more. I voted based on my long held political philosophy that liberty, freedom and speech are all more secure the less government is involved. I voted for the Supreme Court, the hope of tax reform, the economy. I voted to repeal and replace Obamacare. 

It's embarrassing that this morning I feel compelled to say: I am not a bigot. I am not a racist. I do not hate. Be very careful friends that you assume that because we voted for a party that we are those things. You generalize in a way that does your intellect no credit. I believe each of you is an individual who determined his or her vote based on thoughtful consideration. Please think the same of me. Your discourse only divides us further. 

Republican Party hear this: 

You must fix this. You have control of Congress and the Executive Branch. 
You must now be a solution, not a problem. 
You must have servant hearts. You must lead by example. 
Give back, engage in the community, prove to those that don't believe it that we can do more with less. 
You must be peacekeepers. You must shake hands. 
You must not squander this opportunity to correct the course of the country. 

If you do these things, you might regain my trust, but don't think you have a blank check just cause my ballot was cast for you. 

My world is full of dear friends with whom I disagree. After Obama won, one of you commented that I was your "favorite conservative". At the time, I posted something to the effect of, we are all Americans, and I congratulated Obama on his historic win. Today, we are still Americans and no vote can tear apart the fabric of the country that celebrates diversity, individuality, liberty, and religious freedom like ours - unless you let it. Please don't. 

Tuesday, November 1, 2016


Gosh the weight loss thing is such a journey, isn't it? Deciding to do it, doing it, succeeding, then celebrating your success and finding yourself back in the beginning. There are studies ( I won't cite them cause whatever) that show that losing weight isn't that hard - but maintaining it is the struggle. There is actually an inertia in a heavier persons body that wants to reset the body to the weight it once was -- that an overweight person has to battle harder, day in and day out, to weigh less than a person that was always thinner and never battled the bulge (of the tummy). Seriously depressing, right?

Just like those brave men in WWII, we need the right strategy and tools to fight our battle. As you know, my main tool over the past two years has been the New Direction Diet and the support I found at Arizona Health & Wellness. I'm so grateful for the hope and encouragement I received there - and I'm not done. I rely daily on what I've learned there.

But I need a new thing. I've been spinning my wheels thru the dreadful Arizona summer. Gyming it - and managing to keep most of the weight at bay, even while my diet slipped. A little this day. A little that day.. till the only constant success I was having was my daily shake for breakfast and my working out. I've been down this road before... the road where I let myself eat whatever cause heck, I'm working out, right? It's all about diet Eddy. Always was, always is.

So, it's time to address this - and with a new strategy and a new tool. I am competitive by nature. With myself and with others. I need something different and new and shiny - the running and the kettlebells, they are only getting me so far. Hubs back surgery exacerbated my situation - and brought into focus his need to change his ways as well. He has liked Tony Horton, so it only made sense to look at Beachbody. Unwilling to commit to a single program, we signed up for their On Demand service which gives us access to a whole host of programs.

In October, I completed a 21 day Yoga Retreat on top of my gym/running workouts. I was surprised by the yoga and have continued doing it beyond the 21 days. It relaxed and strengthened my body in a wonderful way.  But it's November. Time to kick it up a notch. I unlocked a new MMA style workout - Core de Force.

I have a hunch this one is going to kick me into gear. But more than the workouts, I really need to reset my food intake. I took my measurements today, got back on the scale, took stock of where I am and more resigned than ever to get these 10 lbs that crept on, back off again. I have every intention of being a knock out in that LBD at the Christmas Party in December.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

An Ode to the One who Kicked my Arse

I've been on a little hiatus. Silence on this blog probably means one thing: I'm not focused. In this case, I haven't been focused on me. It is, as I have said before, a tad bit selfish to be constantly talking about ME ME ME and my WEIGHT WEIGHT WEIGHT... and all the stuff that comes with that, time, money, food, gadgets. Don't get me wrong, it is for a good cause. I think the investment is worth my health... but sometimes... life gives you.... well, something to deal with, other than you.

In this case, it was my dear Hubs. Hubs is a tall guy who used to work construction. He's a tall guy with a history of back injury. He's a tall guy whose left foot and calf have been numb from nerve damage for about 5 years. He's a guy who liked to tinker. He's a doer of the things.

On Labor Day, he over-tinkered. He tinkered himself into a massive ruptured disc at L5/S1. That big black blob towards the bottom? That's not supposed to be there... and it was hanging out in the nerve root. Pain. Lots and lots of pain.

So began a 2 week shuffle between the Mayo ER, new Drs., MRI facilities, epidural shots, various drug stores and a Hubs who could only find relief flat on his back - literally. During this, we went from normal to survival mode. With friends coming to help with kids, laundry and food.... and STRESS. Lots of STRESS. I'm not sure there is anything worse than seeing your loved one in pain and not knowing what or how to fix it.

One of the things that my New Direction Diet plan has focused on - and I really credit Amy Ingersoll at Arizona Health & Wellness is how to maintain your health when life happens. Cause let's face it, life happens. No time is perfect to diet. No time is perfect to start an exercise plan. No day is perfect. You will be derailed. The question then is: how will I cope? Will I revert to my old habits or will I forge on with me new ones?

While my diet did suffer this month - I stress ate. I stress SUGARed myself. I may have enjoyed a glass of wine or two... but I continued to need to release my extra energy. I continued to workout. I gained weight, but I didn't lose myself. I have the tools now to handle the stress without entirely coming off the rails. And trust me, this month? I could have totally come off the rails. Now it is time to reign in, get control again. I need to sugar detox and refocus. I'm on my way.

I am happy to report that my Hubs underwent a lumbar discectomy last Monday. His nerve pain is essentially gone and every day he is closer to his happy self. He's not on the heavy pain meds anymore and although he's still recovering, I can see the light back in his eyes. September may have kicked his butt as well. I pray we can find a healthy way to deal with stress and well, middle-agedness (we're not getting any younger) together in a new way. One step at a time.